There are a lot of poignant moments that happen in our lives; these moments help shape who we are, give us new life experiences, and usually grant us a deeper look into ourselves. I think I can say, without any dispute, that your twenties are definitely the longest of these moments and most assuredly the most confusing. I've had some crazy ups and downs this year as I approached turning twenty, and while there are sooo many things that contributed to this wild year, there is one very important topic I want to discuss: friendships.
I think in this stage of our lives, many of us struggle with maintaining the friendships we currently have, trying to build new ones, and cutting off ties with people that aren't good for us. I was beyond blessed with the friendships I made my freshman year of college- these girls are my rock, my besties, and truly some of the best people I know. The friendships I have from my hometown are just as important and will always be so close to my heart. And while I know everyone can relate to the love we have for our pals, new and old, I know so many of you can understand how difficult it can be to still feel close and connected when there is distance getting in the way. Whether it be going to different colleges, being in different states or countries, or even as simple as living in different apartments in the same town, distance (big or small) can be challenging to overcome when you're so used to your friends being right by your side.
We're all finding ourselves, figuring out what we're passionate about and trying to find people that share those same passions. It's inevitable that our friendships might drift due to physical distance as we pursue our dreams or as we all find new people that share the same goals as us. It's hard to accept that some friendships aren't always a great fit, or that we might not be as close to our day ones as we thought we would always be.
If you're currently struggling with this, my biggest piece of advice is simply to put in effort. Show up. Start a conversation. Make plans even if they are as simple as getting a cup of coffee or a thirty minute FaceTime call. This is all easier said than done, and I'll be the first to admit that I've struggled putting in the time and energy to nurture my friendships like I should. Honestly, it's one of my goals for the upcoming year to really make my friendships a priority. At the end of the day, it's not about crazy adventures (although those are amazing), but it's about making sure you're getting proper quality time with your people. Sure, a night out is fun and there's nothing wrong with it, but you need to have a healthy balance of fun and carefree along with vulnerability and meaningful conversation. For me, that's been the most successful way to cultivate thriving friendships.
With all that being said, I do think it's important to notice when others aren't putting in the same amount of effort. You need to realize who's truly there for you and who's not, and as you grow older that becomes much clearer- and sometimes that hurts. I think you should always try, but at the end of the day you need to value your own worth. Another piece of advice I'd give is always move forward with kindness, but know when to use your energy for more fulfilling things. If someone truly cared about the bond you had, they'd nurture it. They'd show it.
When you truly care about someone, wanting to show that love shouldn't be hard or inconveniencing. Sure, there are times that you or your girls will be too busy, but obstacles like that are always overcome when you are genuinely invested in the people you surround yourself with. A quick text, a simple voicemail, a funny Instagram DM that reminds you of them are such easy ways to let your girl gang know you care. Your twenties are the perfect time to find your people, to create relationships that will last a lifetime, and to figure out your worth. Don't settle for half-assed friendships, and don't become a half-assed friend. It's a two-way street, and that's a tough thing to come to terms with as you get older.
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